I've watched a bit of these endless Health Care Reform meetings today.  Mostly, just bickering, but one key thing was said by a politician that I had never heard said and strikes to the core of the Health Care Issue.  I was so happy to hear her say it publicly that I had to create a space to bring attention to it, albeit this tiny corner of the internets.  Take a look at this quote:

"I want to talk for a moment about what it means to the economy.  Imagine an economy where people could change jobs, start businesses, become self-employed, pursue their artistic aspirations, or be entrepreneurial and start new businesses if they were not job locked because they have a child who is bipolar or a family member who is diabetic with a pre-existing condition.  And all of the other constraints that having health care or not having health care places on an entrepreneurial spirit.  Think of an economy with that dynamism — of people following their pursuits, taking risks — we want them to take risks and yet we lock them down.  And we have an anvil around our businesses because of these increasing costs of health care." - Nancy Pelosi

You can read her full speech at the Summit here

I really can't put it much better myself.  I've been saying this the entire time.  Many people are concerned about a lack of freedom caused by the Government when they don't even have the freedom from a minimum wage job at Walmart.  It's easy to pay people poor wages when they depend on Health Care for chronic issues that are sometimes caused by the level of living that is part of accepting that wage.  The current Health Care system is a trap game, even at times, for those that are reasonably employed.

Health Care needs to be reformed, not just for the obvious reasons, but so that more people can live this supposed "American Dream" that we hear so much about.  I salute Nancy Pelosi for mentioning something that I think is so important to the discorse.

I should explain something before I begin.  I purposefully unplugged myself from the pop music machine a long time ago.  So I'm just now seeing this Haiti tribute video that some well known bloggers consider the "literal death of Hip-Hop".  I wouldn't take it quite that far after finally viewing this for myself, but that outcry got me to take time out my rather busy days to watch it.  I set a record for saying "What the fuck?", "Who the fuck is that?" and "What the fuck is he/she doing?".  It was actually humorous from a musical standpoint. 

BUT, it was not humorous on a lot of levels.  This video presents an unrealistic vision of Haiti, it's trying to come off as uplifting but many times comes off glitsy.  The last thing the people of Haiti need right now is glitz.  I think it's exploitive in many ways to show dancing Haitians in rubble.  Haiti was the first free nation of black people in the entire Western Hemisphere.  The country has a rich history that cannot be expressed in a 8 minute music video or a blog post.  That history deserves better then this.  The problems that stem from this Earthquake are NOT natural, they are only partly naturally caused.

Just like the floods in New Orleans, it was the decisions of man that caused there to be so much death and destruction in Haiti.  The decisions of human beings over the years from the United States, France and Haitians themselves that were in power lead to the massive destruction that took place there. 

In Public Schools, you are taught about 3rd World Countries, but never taught about what lead them there.  No country and no people are meant to live out their days in poverty.  There is always a cause and an effect, don't ever believe anything different.  There are deep ceded reasons why Haiti was so impoverished that it could not withstand to the least an Earthquake that would absolutely not caused as much damage in other parts of the world. 

Singing "We Are the World" does not begin to address these issues.  Maybe, it raises awareness, maybe it raises money you might say.  Maybe you have to play the game of what the pop masses want and deliver a dumbed down message to them in order to get the help necessary.  I guess.  I can't argue with that, but I don't have to like it.

Ok, now that the seriousness is out of the way- here is the video with some random comments that popped in my head for the first time watching it.  Play along and follow my quotes and you might feel like I'm sitting next to you.  Enjoy!

@ 0.35 Jamie Foxx talks like a major D Bag

@ 0.55 "As we have" says Jamie Foxx, interesting

@ 1.29 What the fuck?

@ 1.44 Is that Kim Kardashian?

@ 1.50 Who the fuck is that?

@ 1.59 Grobin needs to chill with that

@ 2.29 Was Janet too busy for this? 

@ 2.50 Get the fuck outta here

@ 3.16 What in the fuck is Wyclef doing?

@ 3.35 Is that Danny Glover?

@ 3.45 MJ singing 25 years ago squashes all these people

@ 3.57 Why is Lionel Ritchie chilling with Celine Dion this whole video?

@ 4.14 When does Hip-Hop die exactly?

@ 4.30 Who's that bald guy?

@ 4.56 Lil Wayne needs more Autotune

@ 5.20 Who's that corpse looking fool in the front row?

@ 5.29 What the fuck?

@ 5.37 Was that Jeff Bridges?

@ 5.49 Seriously Jamie Foxx, go fuck yourself. 

@ 5.54 LL is from the Dirty nowadays huh?

@ 6.12 No dope emcees were harmed during that, only washed up and wack ones- Hip Hop Lives On!

@ 6.33 What the fuck?

@ 6.59 Gay Fish

@ 7.35 What the fuck?

@ 8.03 Donate or at least educate yourself!

@ 8.09 You said it right there Lionel, "Wow".

Ok, last part.  This went longer then I thought it would.  When we last left off I had already been in the hospital for about 1 and half days and still hadn't been given a room even though I was on a course to be admitted.  I was placed in a dark room with about a dozen other beds full with people in what felt like the hospital basement.  It was referred to as a "holding area".  The previous night, I was told that I had Colitis.  An infection of my colon and some of my intestine caused by food poisoning of some sort. 

I awoke the next day starting to gain more strength, I felt like shit, but at least I wasn't dehydrated anymore.  I was quickly visited by a surgical team.  It was made up of an older doctor with a team of interns trailing him.  One of the two guys that diagnosed me last night was with him, reading back his notes.  They asked some questions, the head guy seemed to agree with last nights diagnosis.  I didn't really get to ask many questions, it was kind of fucked up.  He said he'd "check back later with more info" after there was some sort of descrpetency in the notes.  I noticed his badge said "Head of Surgery" on it.

I started freaking out after they left.  Why the fuck is the "Head of Surgery" visiting me?  Are they going to cut me open now?  It just didn't add up.  This shit kept me awake and nervous for about an hour.  Eventually someone settled me down and explained that the surgeons just keep abreast of situations like mine, just in case something happens where they need to get involved.  It'd be nice if they told the patient that. 

I started noticing that most of the people in my "ward" were coughing up a storm.  A few of them were elderly and mentioned having Pneumonia.  Great.  They put me, a dehydrated food poisoning victim in a room full of sickies all night.  Just what I need.

At this point I hear a guy starting to bug out.  He's on some "I don't want any of that, I just want to get the hell out of here now!  I want a doctor here so I can get signed out".  The doctor on the floor goes over to him and tries to explain the situation.  He ends up just pissing off the doctor.  I can hear the doctor talking about the dude when he got far enough away that dude couldn't hear him but I still could.  Pretty funny, he was on some "whatever, fuck this dude then" shit.  Pretty ill to hear a doctor on that vibe.  The guy probably should have just shut the fuck up and dealt with the situation.  It got me thinking to the night before when I was really ready to march out if i didn't get my Catscan.  That would have been a really stupid decision.  After being there that long I started to see all the cracks in the Health Care System.  The hospital was understaffed and under funded.  The reasons behind why that is don't have to be visited here, but it was clear that the system we have isn't working. 

Finally, I get a room at about Noon or so.  Put me in a quarantine room.  When the door opened it made a loud high pitched buzz so that people knew to "close the fucking door".  They also had a sink so people could wash their hands on the way in and out just outside my door.  They hadn't made the desicsion yet as to whether I was contagious (I wasn't).  That was certainly interesting.  The room looked like something out of the 1960's.  It did have a private bathroom and shower.  That shit helped a lot.

From that point on my stay was pretty normal.  It was either another day or two in that room, the doctor eventually freed me to leave.  I was on a liquid diet for the entire hospital stay except for a small turkey sandwich that I had about an hour before my dismissal.  That was the tastiest sandwich ever made.

I lost mad weight.  I was super weak for days after I was released.  Eventually I re-gained my strength, but to this moment I am extremely suspect of all food that I eat from outside now.  I work in mid-town Manhattan later at night and the food just isn't fresh and the people handling the food are the "B Team" at best.  That adds up to food poisoning.  These days all my food is from the Fresh Direct machine in my building, a slice of pizza downstairs or maybe a sandwich from Subway.

That's my first lesson in all this, watch what your eating.  It's not about snacks and all that, it's actually about the quality of your food.  After you see how delicate your organs can be, you start to really think about what your putting in your body.  Fast food is OUT.  I haven't had any fast food since.  Between dropping fast food and my quitting soda cold turkey I figure that's enough to make up for the chocolate and beer intake I have going on.

One thing that struck me was when my wife came in the room and said "Damn, you think they could put a coat of paint up in here".  At that moment I realized why they never do that shit.  They don't want you to be overly comfortable.  They need you to get the hell out so they can get the next person in, they also seemingly have no time to shit like that.  The hospital was a buzz everywhere I was.  Everyone that was good at their jobs was busy all the time.

Sitting there as long as I did, I had some pretty deep thoughts about the Health Care Debate, which was raging at the time I checked in.  Unfortunately, this took a lot longer to write then I thought.  So much more happened, I could write a book based on that 3 and half- 4 day stay.  I practically did.

Hopefully, this will help anybody that's a first time hospital patient.  At 31, this was my first time.  I wasn't surprised by that much since I've visited so many in hospitals, but a lot did take me off guard.  My advice is, be patient but also get your needs across to people.  It's a tough balance, but you'll get it eventually if you're there long enough.  It's not a hotel, don't expect too much, but don't allow anyone to be incompetent around you either.

peace and good health!

As we left it in Part 2, I had been admitted to the hospital in the wee hours of the morning and spent my night in a hallway on a gurnee waiting to get a room while they ran some tests on me. 

So, there I sat for hours.  People walking by seemingly in that stop motion fast forward style in movies and shit.  The clock ticked and ticked.  I was seen and poked by many doctors, nurses, PAs, etc.  The whole time I had my wife by my side thankfully.  She sat in a chair near my gurnee.  A lot of the people kept feeling around near my Appendix.  I thought this was odd.  I felt deep down that I didn't have an Appendix problem, but what did I know, I thought I had swine flu when I checked in right?

I was told that I'd need an Catscan.  For those that don't know, that's when they lay on a table and send you into a tube that scans you.  You have do shit like, hold your breath when your in there, and the staff high tails it out of the room when they start it because of the radiation.  It's some Total Recall shit, but I had a while to wait for that.

Basically, that Catscan was what would help them make their final decision on my prognosis and what was truly wrong with me.  Everything else was just theory at that point.  I should point out that in the hallway with me a few gurneys down (remember, every step of this ER is lined with gurneys, maybe 60-100 in total) is a mentally ill man.  He's yelling about "Getting his lawyer" and "No way you can get away this, call my lawyer".  At first I didn't realize he was mentally ill, I couldn't see him from my bed, but apparently he was on some 50 year old head banger shit whiling out.  It seemed later he was only calmed down when someone brought him a DVD from home where he watched live concerts from.  Having experience in my family with mental illness and admitting several people, I was shocked to learn that nowadays if your mentally ill and need to be admitted, you now wait in a public hallway on a gurney with all the physically sick people.  That sounds like a smart practice right?

There's a long wait for Catscans.  It's hours.  They took my blood pressure, tempature and pulse about every 90 minutes all morning.  It always came out pretty good for me.  That shit wasn't really my issue.  Then this nurse or whatever she was took my blood pressure and it was mad low.  Like unrealistically low.  I could tell that this was because she was applying that wrap incorrectly.  She put it on my further arm across my body, all the other nurses put it on my closer arm to the edge of the bed.  The shit was like 75/37 or some wild shit.  I'm looking at it like, wouldn't I be lucid right now.  I felt know different then I did for all the 110/80 readings I had been getting.  They believed it anyway, started getting nervous and shit.  Finally, someone else came over and took it again, it was normal.  They were like "great, your back to normal now, good to see".  ????????  Fucking amazing.  Of course, that "normal" reading was on my correct arm.

What I learned later is that after waiting for about 8 hours for this Catscan, that because my blood pressure was "so low" they skipped over me when they were ready to take me in for it.  You can't get an Catscan when your blood pressure is that low.  A doctor came over and got really pissed at my nurse because apparently she didn't submit my subscription form correctly either.  Now I'm getting pissed.  It's now like 6pm.  I'm thinking I'm going to have to spend another night in the hallway.  Apparently this whole time, I couldn't get a room until they gave me a Catscan and knew what I had.  I'm at the point now where I'm saying shit like "If they can't give me a Catscan tonight, I'm fucking leaving, fuck this".

Finally, the Catscan transport team shows up again for me.  Me and my wife roll with them to the catscan, myself literally on the gurney.  The team is made up of a man and a woman.  Your man is thugged out.  He had a gruff voice like Premier or some shit and he's talking about how his boss busted him on his cell phone "checking the time" the whole time.  He was getting really pissed off the more he talked about it.  He actually seemed to walk off at one point while we waited to cool off.  He was on some "I'm gonna fuck this dude up if he......blah, blah, blah".  I'm on some shit in the gurney, like damn dude, chill out, but I didn't say anything since I'm barely functional at this point.  Meanwhile we wait in a basement in yet another hallway for this Catscan.  About 15-20 minutes pass down there.  Then, dude comes out, says, this Doctor is shutting down this machine for cleaning, we have to use the other one.  Great. 

So, I get rolled down the hallway and guess what?  I'm now behind 3 other people in gurneys waiting on this line.  Now, I'm really fucking pissed.  How much longer can this go on?  I'm finally next, ready to get this done.  It's important to remember, I'm not just being impatient for the sake of being impatient.  I've been in a hallway on a gurney all day, really more then a day, and the whole time it's this Catscan that will tell me what's wrong, which I still didn't know.  The anticipation of finding out combined with unreasonable conditions can really make you lose it.  So, I'm next, whatever.  Then they roll in an "emergency catscan".  So I have to wait again.  This poor guy was in a motorcycle or a car accident.  He was literally a twisted mess.  That erased most of my impatience.  In a way, it made me feel stupid seeing him there in such dyer need.  But, it wasn't his fault. 

It was the nurses that can't take blood pressure, and the fact that they had me on a wild goose chase for a Catscan machine for the last 40 minutes that pissed me off.  The poor guy had lots of broken bones and ribs.  It's not like he had open wounds or anything, but he was just curled up in pain.  He likely had to stretch out to get on the Catscan which probably caused him mad pain and explained why his took so long.

I guess I forgot to mention, the whole time when you wait for a Catscan you have to drink this fairly disgusting Orange flavored drink.  You have to drink like a fucking gallon of it too.  It's not as bad as that bullshit you have to drink for a colonosopy though (you don't want to drink that shit).  Still bad though.  So they had me gulp down another cup of that bullshit and gave me the Catscan. 

I go back up to my gurney placement in the hallway.  It was shitty.  I'm about to spend the second night in a row in a damn hallway.  A hallway with mad activity happening 24/7 mind you.  How does anyone get better like this? By this time my folks and my in laws had been around and come to see me, that always helps.  I'm trying to chill and settle in somehow, then they say "Your moving".  Ok, they put me in one of those private rooms, but still in the ER that I mentioned in a previous Part.  This room is huge to a person that's been in a hallway for about 35 hours.  It's also got a free TV and phone in it.  Word. 

My folks and wife now feel ok leaving me, we say our goodbyes and I settle in to watch an NBA game.  Seeing the Blazers and Bulls or whatever random game was on TV never felt so good.  A male nurse now comes in about an hour later.  He takes some blood, mentions being moved again to me. 

I find out that after the doctor comes to talk to me, I'm getting moved to another area, that's NOT the ER, but also not my own room.  It's like a holding area.  I had been told about this area, because my wife's Grandmother had been in there about a month earlier.  Ugh. 

This whole time, hopefully, I've mentioned this, I haven't been allowed to eat anything.  That's obvious, but I've also not been allowed to drink anything.  Even Water.  Now, hyrdration wise, I've got the IV, so I'm cool.  But my mouth was mad dry.  Male nurse dude gives me some "Ice Chips" which are the only thing I'm allowed.  Of course, Ice Chips become water, but I'm not questioning shit.  Those Ice Chips were like the best shit in the world at that moment when I got em.  They should market these joints, they were kind of just ice shavings, but whatever.  The whole time I'm in there trying to chill there's a dude right outside my window trying to make himself vomit.  He's just laid out on the floor chilling, surrounded by family, shoving several fingers down his throat.  I should reiterate, it's not the staff doing this tyring to get some poison out or something, he's just doing it.  All you heard was vomit sounds, no vomit.  I couldn't figure it out.  My wife, before she left had said that sometimes drunks and junkies that are nauseous try to get themselves to vomit so they stop feeling that way.  She works as a Medical Assistant and sees crackheads at her job sometimes.  Hear I am like "Brandon Roye shoots another three and the Blazers are.bluaahahahahahahaha" up by 7 now".  Kind of disturbing.  Footnote: his gurney is like 2 away from the mental patient from earlier.

The doctor finally comes in.  I notice right away that his jacket indicates he's a "Surgical Doctor".  That can't be good.  He's got an intern with him that's writing shit down for him as he speaks.  He tells me that I have "Colitis".  It's an infection of my Colon, my intestine leading to my Colon is also infected somewhat.  It was caused by food poisoning.  Something I ate was rotten, or someone who prepped my food didn't wash (even more disgusting).  Since he was a surgical doctor I asked if I need surgery, he said "No, at this point it doesn't seem that way" or something like that.  Out of nervousness I asked if it had anything at all to do with Colon Cancer or anything like that.  He said a clearer "No".  I was then left to my thoughts.

It was now about 10pm, I was pushed back through the hallway with all the sick people, into a darker hallway.  I went down a large slope and into a room that felt like I wouldn't ever escape from.  There were about 12 beds in here.  The lights were out and it was so dark, that you couldn't see a hand in front of your face at first.  It looked like a hospital ward from a horror movie.  It was the remnants of an older part of the ER.  Apparently, they are going to re-do this part at some point too.  Currently, it's a mess.  I still had free TV and phone down there, watched some TV and eventually crashed.  I must say the nurses in this dark creepy wing were way better and more professional.  They really helped out and put the nurses I'd dealt with before to shame.

This is where I slept.  In a dark, abandoned room with 12 other varied sick people.  Still not officially admitted.

When will I finally get a room, what else went down, and when did I get out?  All that's in Part 4 (Don't worry, that'll be the last part).

As I said in Part 1, the reason I'm writing these blogs is mainly because of the fact that I'm just getting into my 30's and I know a lot of people my age, but even younger, may have their first hospital stays soon (hopefully not) and I wanted to share what that was like.  I also wanted to share how stretched our Health Care System is since the Reform debate continues.

At the end of Part 1, I had just gotten to the Emergency Room.  I had passed out twice, semi-vomited, was running a 2 day or so fever and my stomach was in knots.  I was in pretty bad shape.  My wife rode threw red lights to get me there faster, I was starting to feel nauseous again, and the last two times I felt that way I blacked out.  We were of course expecting a huge volume of people in the waiting room, but to our surprise there really weren't any patients in the waiting area.  We also didn't see any nurses.  I got set down on a chair, while my wife talked to the Security Guard, he then went off to fetch the triage nurse.  Triage is traditionally a station where you are seen as soon as you walk in, then they can access how fucked up you really are and place you in line.  Where was this person?  As I sat there, I knew I was in need of an IV with fluids, I needed it badly.  Despite the fact that there was no one else in front of me, it took a full 20 minutes until the triage nurse came back to the station that she was supposed to be in.  20 minutes waiting to pass out.  Bull shit.

I finally was called in, she directed me to the back after asking me some questions, she basically walked rudely about 10-20 steps ahead of me while I confusedly followed her.  I finally was seated on an examination table in a room in the ER area.  I basically fell asleep in there.  Eventually a PA (Physician's Assistant) came in, she listened as I explained what was wrong and she immediately hooked me up to an IV with fluids.  "Finally", I thought, "a professional that can help me".  A few minutes later one of the Doctors that was on duty came in.  They both said I looked terrible and was pale.  Those that know me, know that I typically am pale.  I haven't been to a beach in a bathing suit since I was about 6 years old.  Me and Sun don't see eye to eye much.  In any case, I must have looked like a crack head up in there.  I should say I was rocking my Pink Floyd PJ bottoms at the time, because the situation was so dire, we had to leave right away from home.  Nice. 

The doctor started to feel my abdomen, when I told him I thought maybe I had the flu, he quickly dismissed that theory.  He said it was more likely that I had some sort of "intestinal infection" and that I'd probably have to be admitted. 

Wow, I totally didn't expect that at all.  I thought I had the flu, maybe even the Swine Flu, I figured they'd give me fluids a prescription and kick me out.  Some diagnosis I came up with.  I've been to the hospital for visits many times, between my wife, my mom and my dad I've seen many people in the hospital for extended stays.  Some times my visits for my wife would be so long, it felt like I was in the hospital too.  BUT, I had never personally gone through it and been that person in the bed.

At that point, they needed to do tests, no final diagnosis was reached that soon.  I fell back asleep on the exam seat until I was woken up by a loud nurse that announced they needed the room and needed to get me into a gurney anyway, an "exam table was no place to leave me".  I was put into a gurney and wheeled off from the room within the ER.  I was then placed in the hallway of the ER.  This hospital had just redone their whole ER section, it was sprawling.  I was situated in the hallway right by the main nurses station, which had a loud television right near me that had readings of patients of some sort on it and beeped like a fucked up version of Super Mario Brothers.  It was like you'd fall asleep and hear a loud ass analog synth key held down for like 5 seconds.  As I got my bearings I realized there were lots of people lined up like parked cars all around me on that hall way wall.  In fact there were several dozen people lined up this way through out the entire ER wing.  That was in addition to the lucky few that actually were in rooms in the ER and there was a fair amount of them.

I was told this is where I was to stay until I received a room upstairs for my stay.  When I asked how long that might be, I was met with answers that translated as "a long time from now, who knows".  Under normal circumstances, this might have pissed me off.  But I was so ill at the time and so worried about what could be wrong, that I just rolled with it.  A lesson I would be re-taught later as well. 

My wife sat on a chair next to my gurney through the night.  We arrived there at about 4:30am, the Sun rose without us seeing it, and at about 10:00am or so, some nurses came to start drawing more blood and run more tests.  We were both really tired and uncertain how long we'd be in this hallway or when I'd get a room or most importantly what was wrong with me. 

In Part 3, I'll get into some of the other extremes I saw that have to do with the stress that our hospitals are under and how our system is shockingly broken.  I'll also talk more about what specifically was wrong.

As some of you know, I recently had a spell in the Hospital.  It was the first time I, myself, was ever admitted to a Hospital.  I wanted to write about my experiences for two reasons: 1) Being 31, as I said it was my first time experiencing anything like that being a fairly healthy younger man.  But as I get into my 30's, you realize that things can go wrong and your not invisible.  I thought sharing that experience would really help people approaching 30, in their 30's, etc. that may be doing this for the first time too.  2) With all the debate over the health care system, I really got to see it at it's best and at it's worst and wanted to share some of the desperation in the Health Care System that we all currently pay into, whether we have insurance ourselves or not.

So here's where it started.  I work really late now.  I hate my current schedule at work.  I sit through my whole shift, but at a certain point I start getting the chills.  I'm freezing and weak.  At first I thought I was just tired, or actually cold, or a combination of both.  I head home after the shift, starting to realize I'm probably running a fever of some sort.  I get home finally and take my temperature to find out I'm over 100.  I go to sleep, have fucked up nightmares about work all night and wake up in cold sweats.  Ugh.

I call my boss the next day and call out.  I tell him, I probably have the Flu.  My wife, who is a Medical Assistant, tells me that this isn't exactly Flu season, so I might have the Swine Flu.  Whatever the case, I figure I'm good to fight this thing off on a few days rest.  I called out on a day that set me up for a 3 day weekend, so I'm thinking I'll be fine by the time I have to return.

Later that day, not to be disgusting, but the dyarhea starts.  It was straight water works all day.  Couldn't really keep anything down the right way.  I pulled my diet back to Saltines, Jello, Soup, Ginger Ale and the stuff you would typically eat when you were sick. 

At this point, I'd gotten sick late Tuesday, was sick all day Wed. and all day Thurs.  I go to bed Thursday night hoping to get better at some point.  I should say, that I NEVER get the Flu (no jinxies), I also fight off colds pretty well, and since I drink a lot of water and wash my hands all the time, I rarely get sick to begin with.  So I had a feeling of invincibility in some ways.

Things took a bad turn Thursday night.  I was trying to sleep, had a mixture of sweats followed by chills and was in and out the bathroom.  At a certain point I started to get nauseous, I was thinking, I haven't eaten anything in hours, how can this be?  I got up from bed and ended up passing out as soon as I sat back down.  Again, sorry to be graphic, but I woke myself up by some sort of "fleming" in my mouth.  Kind of a dry heave of sorts.  That's pretty gross.  So, my wife helps me back to bed, because I felt better after the whole thing went down. 

About an hour later, I feel the same feeling in the pit of my stomach.  This time, I'm smart enough to wake my wife up to help me.  I get up and pass out again.  This time my wife is holding me up to keep me from falling over.  Apparently, I was out of it for 40 seconds with my eyes open and all of that.  Pretty nuts.  I've never passed out before besides taking a hit to the head when I was a kid.  At this point we decide to head to the ER as fast as we can.

I can remember myself thinking literally "Wow, this Swine Flu shit is no joke".  I've never gotten a Flu Shot before, and am generally mistrustful of anyone getting them unless they are very old, very young or have some sort of chronic ailment that makes them more vulnerable.  I've always left it to each person though.  I don't want to be the guy that says "No, don't do that" and then that person gets mad fucked up or something.  But personally, I've never done it for myself.  Now, I'm heading to the ER re-thinking that whole stance.  But what was truly wrong with me?  What was waiting for me in the ER?

Check back for Part 2 for all that.  Thanks for reading along.

The other day I was at work and I came across someone I went to high school with. It had been awhile since I have seen them and as usually the case with people I haven't seen in a long time the question that comes up most is, "You still making music?" Of course the answer is yes, then the usual publicity barrage begins on my end: "Here is my card, I'm down with a label out of New York called Uncommon Records, check the website, download the free mixtapes that I posted on the site, join the mailing list, we have this show coming up..."  and finally, the customary "make sure you check out the new album and cop it..." But, the other day was a little different. The person that I came across was really surprised that I was still actively was pursuing my passion. I guess this because some people STILL think that this is a phase for me and the other factor is, some still view rap music a young man's game (last I checked 30 wasn't old).  So we got to catching
up a little bit, you know, how's the family?, how many kids do you have?, shit like that. Then the topic shifts back to music and he asks me, "How many albums you got out now?" I respond with usual, "4 and a solo album due in March..." Instead of the usual, "Really? Wow, I am behind, I need to catch up..." or the half ass pat on the back, "That's cool, I am glad you still do what you like to do..." (I'm realistic, I realize that everyone I have ever known doesn't keep up with my career) I got this response: "AND...you still haven't made anything of yourself?"

Let me just say, OUCH. Mind you this isn't the first time I have gotten a response like this, mostly from other local musicians that gave up because they realized it wasn't all money, sex and rock and roll and then from family members who thought I should have done something more "constructive" with my life. ( Yeah like gang banging, drugs and a shitty minimum wage job was constructive)  I'm not going to lie I was bothered by that encounter the rest of the day. In my own head I kind of started to second guess decisions made on the business end, like I wish I would have did this, instead of this. Or, I shouldn't have turned this opportunity down, it could have been this or that. I got caught up in sales figures and second guessing strategies executed with releases and what not. I don't know why I got so bothered by that persons comment, I guess I got caught up in the high school reunion mentality, meaning you always want to show that you beat the system and lived the life that you wanted to live and you made something of yourself even though others said you wouldn't.

As the day went on I started to feel better because I realized that I was successful and made something of myself. We all get to the point where we hate our jobs and wish we could use our talent to live out the rest of our lives. Unfortunately, we all don't get that chance, but does that mean because we don't have the material wealth or universally recognized name, we aren't successful? Hell no. I have worked real hard to get to the point in my life and my music career that I am at. When I first starting writing raps at 17, I dreamed of money, cars, women and fame. But, as I grew up, I started to develop a stance on views that I had and realized that I could tell my story as well as the stories of others that may not have means to do so. All those things, coupled with the signing of a shitty production deal at 19, then not being able to record for two years AND having your demos stolen from you on top of all that, makes you realize real fast it wasn't as
easy as walking into an record execs office and spitting a verse to get signed anymore. As time went on, I went the indie route, started a group, released albums, sold in the U.S., Europe, Canada, Australia and even Japan, started a label, met and worked with some of my heroes, traveled different places because of my music, signed a European distribution deal, then got my shit stolen by that same distributor, folded my label, signed with Uncommon and then restarted my label, all in 10 years.

I won't front, sometimes I wish I made a little more money and live off my passion, it's not like that but that doesn't mean I don't love what I do and that I'm not happy with what I have accomplished. At the end of the day, whether its myself or any of you that pursue your passions, we just have to get keep doing what we're doing and things will fall into place. And when its all said and done and that fire is gone and you can't do what you love to do anymore, you can look back with fond memories and say I did what I wanted to do and no one can take that away from me. Some people never go after their dreams and somewhere along the way they just conform to the rest of the system...well not me and not you who is reading this right now. Success is what you make it, not those around you. And, fuck that guy anyway, I'm going to New York in less than month to rock a show. What's he going to be doing? 

First, I want to thank all the people that showed up to The Solidarity show at El Gran Teocalli in Milwaukee on Friday night. I would also like to apologize to the Guerrilla Republic. I am truly sorry that an event you all worked hard to put together got shut down by ignorance. I will admit, I was skeptical at first because there was no one there. I thought it was going to be one those shows where no one shows up and we would rock in front of an empty room. Then to my amazement, the place started to pack in nicely. Everyone was having a good time even supporting acts they have never heard of showing lots of love to people that traveled a good ways for no pay just to rock for the love and for the sake of bringing positivity to the community. This was supposed to be a show of unity and positive vibes, a gathering of like minded MC's performing to show that Hip Hop is more than violence and stereotypes. Then, the unfortunate happened...someone got shot outside the club. I don't know any details of the shooting, (I tried to find some info, but couldn't locate any) but the police said that the suspect came from our event, which is really sad. I won't front I initially was upset that we drove all that way to perform and didn't even get the chance to rock. Plus, coupled with the fact that we had to wait for 2 hours for our car to get home because the cops blocked the street that it was on.

We made light of the situation by going to get food, cracking jokes about the night and rehashing stories about shows past and how this night just would be a notch under the belt as far as crazy stuff that's happened at shows during our career. Then the following days I would explain to friends about what happened and then I started to feel upset and saddened. I started to think about how generations continue to pass down the elements of violence and ignorance. Then I thought about the people that worked real hard to put this event together to give people an escape for a few hours and have a good time supporting positivity and a show of unity only to have it shut down by the very thing that they were standing up against. I am by no means naive, trust me, but in 2009 is there still a place in the world for this kind ignorance to take form? I guess the obvious answer is yes, but it doesn't make it right. The neighborhood we were in wasn't the best of environments but, that is no excuse. I don't understand how people can can shit where they live over and over again. I guess the only thing you can to do is learn and move forward and continue to save people one by one. Until the world is at peace, I guess ignorance is bliss...

The older you get the more times you end up starting discussions with something that sounds like "Back in my day, blah, blah, blah".  I guess that's part of getting older.  In any case, back in my day there was a very simple explanation for what made you or disqualified you from being considered an "Independent Record Label".  I was educated on all of this stuff Circa 1997 and in those days being involved with a major label in anyway, made you a subsidiary- you were no longer an indie.  In those days, once you became a subsidiary, you were no longer autonomous.  Majors were not interested in doing deals that were ultimately favorable to smaller labels or letting them keep too much freedom.  And from the other side of it, many labels in the 80's and 90's that were started were done with the idea of becoming a subsidiary some day in mind.  This clearly is not the way things are today.  Why?

The main reason is back then you had the "Big 6" and everyone else.  You could trace all subsidiaries and almost all worldwide distribution of music to what was called the "Big 6".  The big 6 labels were: EMI, Polygram, Sony (formerly Columbia), BMG, Warner & MCA.  All of corporate America started to go "merger crazy" around this time and the Music Industry was no different.  I remember hearing this whole situation described as the "Big 6 or 7" many times in passing because no one really knew what was happening due to it happening so quickly.

Back then, all the labels you could name traced back to one of those 6.  Some examples: Def Jam- Sony, Jive- BMG, Pendulum- EMI, Virgin- EMI, Loud/RCA- Sony, DGC/Geffen- MCA.  You could name any of them and they lead back to a Big 6 label.  It was fun fodder for music biz classes to create these sorts of "Family Trees".

In 2009 we now have only a Big 4- this due to MCA becoming Universal and then merging with Polygram (who had just been merged with Seagram's) & Sony merging with BMG.  So now we have Sony, EMI (hanging by their finger nails), Warner & Universal.  Confused yet?

Ok, so this leaves us hanging upside down, in our old definition of "what makes you indie" because there are now only 4 "Major Labels" left and they ain't taking on subsidiaries the way they used to.  The deals that are made are a lot different then they used to be.  Todays labels that enter deals with "Majors" are getting much more of a hands off approach from them in certain cases.  In fact, sometimes the label is actually just paying for the majors' services and resources.  Couple that with the fact that "independent distributors" like Caroline had grown to have just as many resources as the majors in the late 90's and early 00's, in some cases taking over parts of their infrustructure for them Stateside.

Put all of this on the back drop of digital music and it spins the whole situation for another 180.  While all these changes have happened in the infrustructure of major labels, the need for them is far less, so more and more people are releasing their own music and starting their own labels NEVER intending to become a subsidiary or sign a deal.

This situation calls for a new definition of what an indie label is, so let's try to do that.  Firstly, let's make sure we're not trying to mix genres with business.  I can call an artist "Indie Rock" or "Indie Hip-Hop" with the conotation of what that means musically- BUT, that doesn't speak to reality.  Being Indie is not a genre of music nor a state of mind or a state of independence in musical decisions.  Being indie means just that.  The label is making the calls to place the record in stores, placing the record in the digital landscape themselves, sending out their mailers for promotion (or paying an independent contracter), etc.

As soon as a label gets into the business of shipping off records (or even having someone else manufacture them) to someone else's warehouse for someone else to distrubute, market and promote- that's when they cease being indie- depsite the quality or independence of the music itself.

In a few years, none of this will matter, because all music will be purchased digitally, so the lines will blur much further because the value of "being on a major, or involved with one" will be even less then it is today. 

You may be asking yourself- so what does that make a label that has one of those more modern/less controlling deals with a major?  I'll be honest, I don't know what to call them, but I know their not INDIE.  Uncommon is INDIE, write us an email, ask us a question, ummm your gonna be in touch with me.  There will be a point where we have a crew to handle things, but it will all still be us.  That's INDIE.  That may be a much more strict definition then it used to be, but as I explained in the first part of this post, this is a totally different era and in 2009, this is the only rational way to parse this subject.  Times have cryed out for an updated definition then what was in the text books I was educated on back in the late 90's.

Does all of this matter?  Sort of.  If your just a musician, putting out music, not really.  But to me, if you are truly interested in the nuts & bolts of the business I think this is the best way to look at things. 

Thanks to all my Twitter peeps that brought up this subject sparking a debate the other night and in turn an explanation here that is far more then 140 characters.  Follow me there @uncommonrecords for more stuff like this and of course all the most up to date news on Uncommon Records releases/events and other fun stuff from me personally.

This is when I put the Engineer hat on for a minute so I may lose some people, but here goes...

There is an epidemic that is effecting all forms of music right now.  It's the continuing "Loudness War" that is going on in Mastering Studios across the country.  Louder is NOT always better!  I have to admit, I listen to my music loud, I also mix fairly loud, but this shit is getting ridiculous.  I want to familiarize you with two terms that you should remember for the next time your in a Mastering Session- "Digital Black" and "Digital Zero".  A lot of new records are going "Into Digital Black" or going past "Digital Zero".  Plain and simple, they are "peaking" and "distrorting".  It's ugly.  Especially considering most music is listened to in MP3 format anyway, which is already a flawed format. 

I've heard some of my favorite albums, from well known artists that are paying big $$$ for mastering fall victim of this.  This is NOT something that happens soley because your doing your mastering on the cheap or on your own.  In some ways, NOT all, you might be better off on your own because you don't likely have the ability to go into the Digital Black on your own.

Listen to your albums more closely.  Do you hear a tinny value to it?  For the engineers out there- do you hear a high amount of what sounds like 2KHZ-3KHZ?  Bingo- that's what I'm talking about.

It makes it really hard to listen to music of any kind.  Distortion is not always obvious, distortion can actually hide.  If you play something loud enough, especially hip-hop, the bass can be so loud, that it actually helps cover up some of the distorted qualities that are in the music in a higher frequency.  It's only when you actually TURN IT DOWN that you will start to hear peaks.

Sometimes when things peak digitally, the sound of the distortion actually sounds different then what you would typically expect as well and it can sneak by that way as well.  The problem is mastering engineers that are trying to change all mixes to sound like the same damn song.  Some mastering people don't respect mix engineers enough and have a template set up to make everything loud as hell.  The other side of it is the customer that walks into a session saying "I want this to bang loud on every system and that's it".  The customer is always right.

I'm not making this up- a track just came up on my Itunes that has this issue! I think that people are deaf in the business these days.

Back in the days, you'd get run out of the business if you oversaw music that sounded this bad.  So, the next time your in a Mastering Session- remember these few things:

If the Mastering Engineer is ONLY talking about making things louder- LEAVE (seriously)

If the Mastering Engineer doesn't have racks of sophisticated looking EQs & Compressors and is ONLY using a computer program- you should become VERY suspicious of what your actually paying for.  If you don't see a rack of GML EQs, some Avalons and maybe a Manley in the rack, your in the wrong place.

If you mention the terms "Digital Black" or "Digital Zero" and they don't know what your talking about- RUN (seriously).

Let's end the "Loudness War" and replace it with a "Quality War".  It starts with what the artists and the listeners are asking for.